https://www.peacefuladventuresllc.com/blog daily 0.75 2021-09-10 https://www.peacefuladventuresllc.com/blog/whenkidslie monthly 0.5 2021-09-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/611b2076c0c238496b6f32da/1631290353808-1E2N4NEIAS8W1KBDSH9D/unsplash-image-VJGt1E_W48k.jpg Blog - When Kids Lie: A Peaceful Parenting Perspective - How about when you were a child? You saw the last tantalizing cookie and just couldn’t help it. You ate the cookie from the cookie jar! Your mom called you in when she saw that there were no more cookies. What do you say? It is all in the nursery rhyme. “Who me? Couldn’t be?” Does any of that sound familiar to you? Lying is something we want kids not to do. We want them to honest, willing to admit when they are wrong, and want them to make things right when they do make mistakes. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/611b2076c0c238496b6f32da/1631291179433-X8NJAJODDJCNZWFS0Q05/unsplash-image-XzicNgUFU_8.jpg Blog - When Kids Lie: A Peaceful Parenting Perspective - At some point during the day, I heard my mom yell for my brothers and me to assemble. She then proceeded to ask each of us in turn, “Did you touch the violin?” My fear of risking being “in trouble” outweighed my desire to tell the truth. Oh, it hurt inside to lie, but I just couldn’t muster the courage to be honest. I feebly said “no,” and avoided eye contact. I don’t even remember what happened from there. Did I fess up in tears? Did I keep it to myself and never get caught? I have no idea. What is burned in my memory is feeling torn between the fear of being in trouble and the desire to tell the truth. I could not reconcile the two and did not know what to do. If I had such a strong drive to tell the truth, why did I lie? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/611b2076c0c238496b6f32da/1631293601027-KM3AIAUN0XS8SK104QVS/unsplash-image-dBiIcdxMWfE.jpg Blog - When Kids Lie: A Peaceful Parenting Perspective - If no punishment of any kind truly works for decreasing lying and sneaky behaviors, how on earth does one address the behavior? If we want a child to want to tell the truth, they first must feel safe in doing so. They need to know that they can come to you with anything and you will help them solve the problem rather than making them suffer for bringing the problem to you. It takes time to build this type of trust, so if you read this today and try using these techniques, but your child still lies, that is totally normal. They have to feel out what is new and get used to a whole new way of relating. Building a trust-based relationship means being honest yourself and being willing to accept your child as they are. It means welcoming them with their mistakes, because we all make mistakes, and helping them navigate how to solve their problems. https://www.peacefuladventuresllc.com/blog/surviving-and-thriving-through-the-chaos monthly 0.5 2021-09-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/611b2076c0c238496b6f32da/1631815264692-B2Y0NJ9HO224M9HJ9BYJ/unsplash-image-fswQZLlHC3Y.jpg Blog - Discovering Peace: Surviving and Thriving Through the Chaos of Parenting - I recognized the pressure building inside of me. I had not paused enough that morning to keep myself in peace. I was feeling too much personal stress in the moment and not connecting. I had not been practicing self-care as much as I knew I needed. I basically was not practicing peaceful parenting in that moment. I paused, took a deep breath, and reconsidered our morning. I asked my toddler what she needed and explored what was causing her to feel so out of balance. It was clear that continuing the day like this was not going to work, but oh goodness, what on earth would work? I was thinking, “I am a licensed professional counselor specializing in peaceful parenting and I am utterly failing.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/611b2076c0c238496b6f32da/1631815622869-QCVC5ZZNQ33H5Z0LKCXW/unsplash-image-8n00CqwnqO8.jpg Blog - Discovering Peace: Surviving and Thriving Through the Chaos of Parenting - When I first heard the term “peaceful parenting,” I was not sure what it was all about, but I had an image in my mind. I saw a picture-perfect image of a family of four or five, laughing, holding hands, and running through a meadow. Sounds realistic, right? Yeah, no. Peaceful parenting is not about holding hands, running through a meadow, looking and feeling perfect, and having it all together. Peaceful parenting is about extending grace to ourselves, our children, and everyone around us as we navigate the challenges of the world. Sometimes, being peaceful does look like laughing and holding hands. Other times, it looks like taking a step back to breathe so we do not blow up, and figuring out what the best solution is for the current predicament. Sometimes, doing the best we can feels like just barely surviving, when maybe we are thriving to the best of our ability in the moment, and that is okay. We all have hard days, challenges, conflicts, tears, and frustrations. 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Peaceful parenting is a respect-based, authoritative parenting style. This means that the parent has high, but reasonable and developmentally appropriate expectations of the child while honoring the child’s human dignity and striving to help the child meet those expectations through loving guidance and support. Permissiveness; or lack of rules, boundaries, or limitations; is not peaceful because it is not meeting the child’s need for structure, guidance, leadership, and clear expectations. Permissive parenting leads to anxiety. Peaceful parenting helps children develop a strong moral compass, resting assured that their parents are there for them to help them solve problems when they arise. Children who are parented peacefully do not hide their mistakes, but rather run to their parents for guidance in how to fix their mistakes. They lead their peers in making sound moral judgment, even when peer pressure encourages otherwise. They are less likely than their peers to engage in drug abuse, promiscuity, or delinquent behaviors. Adults who were parented peacefully are the strong, confident, and kind leaders we need so desperately today. 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