Discovering Peace: Surviving and Thriving Through the Chaos of Parenting
Have you ever had one of those days where every time your child does something ridiculous you think, “Surely there is no way it can get worse than this!” but it does? It just keeps escalating until you are ready to totally flip your lid. I admit it, I had one of those days. My husband was working and I was home with our toddler. We slept in a bit too long and had to hurry up to get ready for an appointment. I felt like I literally could not get a break. We could not manage the simplest of tasks successfully. At least that is how it felt. There was milk poured out all over the floor. I was hit several times. A glass was thrown on the floor and broken. As I was frantically sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the floor to get all of the shards of glass up, a chair was tipped over with my toddler in it. Life felt like complete chaos. Miraculously, no injuries were incurred. It seemed like every time I turned around, behavior was escalating and I was not sure what on earth was going on. I just wanted to scream!
I recognized the pressure building inside of me. I had not paused enough that morning to keep myself in peace. I was feeling too much personal stress in the moment and not connecting. I had not been practicing self-care as much as I knew I needed. I basically was not practicing peaceful parenting in that moment.
I paused, took a deep breath, and reconsidered our morning. I asked my toddler what she needed and explored what was causing her to feel so out of balance. It was clear that continuing the day like this was not going to work, but oh goodness, what on earth would work? I was thinking, “I am a licensed professional counselor specializing in peaceful parenting and I am utterly failing.”
With the pause came clarity. My daughter felt like she was going through a growth spurt. She was super excited for some upcoming adventures that were not happening in the moment. Toddlers do not have the cognitive capacity to separate between the present and future, so excitement for something to happen sometime in the future can be stressful and dysregulating. She just had too much going on in her little body to be able to function well. For my daughter, going on a car ride really helps her to settle down. Plus, the dangers are contained in the car. I asked my daughter if she wanted to go on a car ride and she happily obliged. We drove through town, listened to some chill music, and she fell asleep. After a much-needed nap, she was much more regulated and we were able to have a more peaceful afternoon.
When I first heard the term “peaceful parenting,” I was not sure what it was all about, but I had an image in my mind. I saw a picture-perfect image of a family of four or five, laughing, holding hands, and running through a meadow. Sounds realistic, right? Yeah, no. Peaceful parenting is not about holding hands, running through a meadow, looking and feeling perfect, and having it all together. Peaceful parenting is about extending grace to ourselves, our children, and everyone around us as we navigate the challenges of the world. Sometimes, being peaceful does look like laughing and holding hands. Other times, it looks like taking a step back to breathe so we do not blow up, and figuring out what the best solution is for the current predicament.
Sometimes, doing the best we can feels like just barely surviving, when maybe we are thriving to the best of our ability in the moment, and that is okay. We all have hard days, challenges, conflicts, tears, and frustrations. Without all of the hard stuff, the beauty of a perfect day, or just a perfect five seconds of connection and peace, cannot be appreciated to their fullest.
Clearly, in my story above, I was not running through a meadow twirling and laughing with my child. I did not feel in the least bit peaceful in that moment. I did take that lack of peace as a cue for myself to tune in with curiosity. I explored what was driving that cue and what needs were not being met. With that, I was able to come up with a workable plan to meet my needs and my child’s needs, which led to greater calm, peace, and connection. I needed a break and my child needed space to allow herself to rest. We were able to meet our needs together in the way that worked best for us.
We all find ourselves in a place of feeling out of balance from time to time. It is so easy in Western civilization to get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of daily living. When this happens, we lose our connection with ourselves, our children, and our world. We are on autopilot, not really living. We are technically surviving, but certainly not thriving. It does not have to be this way, though making a change does require a willingness to be vulnerable and make changes. Those feelings of out of control, overwhelm, anger, frustration, hopelessness, or whatever it is that is brought up for you when you are out of balance can be cues to pause, tune in, and reset. If you would like support in figuring out how to achieve balance with your family and in your life, contact me today and set up a free consultation to begin working together.
